I entered this poem in the Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry contest in 2017. I didn’t win anything, but at least I gave it a shot. Turns out none of the contest-winning poems are ever actually funny. Go figure.
Enjoy!
The Legend of Slingy Parloo
‘Twas a long time ago (1872)
Starts The Legend of Slingy Parloo
A young man rode the range on his steed, Steely Blue
‘Twas the stallion of Slingy Parloo
And his fame went before him, as Fame oft will do
‘Twas the Legend of Slingy Parloo
For he wore not a gun, but a slingshot of yew
‘Twas the weapon of Slingy Parloo
And he used it to capture bad guys not a few
‘Twas the justice of Slingy Parloo
When he rode into town all the folks yelled “Yahoo!”
‘Twas the greeting of Slingy Parloo
For the bad guys were jailed and the terror was through
‘Twere good times for brave Slingy Parloo
And he said, “I know now just what I have to do!”
‘Twas the saying of Slingy Parloo
“I’ll go find me a gal with a heart pure & true!”
‘Twas the love quest of Slingy Parloo
So he set off again on his steed, Steely Blue
‘Twas the fine horse of Slingy Parloo
Over mountains, through valleys, in sun and rain too
‘Twas the journey of Slingy Parloo
‘Til he met a fair maiden named Lolly Lolou
‘Twas the woman for Slingy Parloo
And he asked for her hand as their love grew and grew
‘Twas th’engagement of Slingy Parloo
They were married one Sunday at quarter past two
‘Twere the nuptials of Slingy Parloo
Then the pair settled down on a ranch filled with moo
‘Twas the homestead of Slingy Parloo
And soon Lolly gave birth to a baby boy, Stu
‘Twas the firstborn of Slingy Parloo
Ere long more kids were added to this happy crew
‘Twas the fam’ly of Slingy Parloo
And our Hero made each one a slingshot of yew
‘Twere the weapons of Family Parloo
Then he taught them to sling rocks with aim straight and true
‘Twas the training of Slingy Parloo
Just in case a vile bandit or two might come through
‘Twas the worry of Slingy Parloo
Sure enough one dark day he saw bandits and knew
‘Twas the knowing of Slingy Parloo
There was trouble ahead, but he knew what to do
‘Twas the planning of Slingy Parloo
So when Rogue Rodger Dodger and gang came in view
‘Twere past captures of Slingy Parloo
They were pelted by rocks slung from slingshots of yew
‘Twas the slinging of Family Parloo
Then Rogue Rodger Dodger yelped, “Boys, guess we’re through!”
‘Twas the ambush of Family Parloo
So the bandits turned tail and rode into the blue
‘Twas the victory of Family Parloo
And from then on our hero and family all knew
‘Twas the knowledge of Family Parloo
They were safe from all manner of hullabaloo
‘Twas the safety of Family Parloo
And their legend lived on as the children all grew
‘Twas the Saga of Family Parloo
So the story was hinged upon slingshots of yew
‘Twere the trademarks of Family Parloo
And it all started out with a young boy of two
‘Twas the childhood of Slingy Parloo
Who fashioned a slingshot from branches of yew
The first slingshot of Slingy Parloo
And practiced and practiced each day as he grew
‘Twas the training of Slingy Parloo
‘Til he mastered the weapon with aim straight and true
‘Twas the true skill of Slingy Parloo
And became a great lawman renowned the land through
‘Twas the Legend of Slingy Parloo!